Have You Met Her, The Madwoman In You?

What’s your relationship with your name?

Mine is Olga.

And for as long as I can remember, I’ve been fascinated by Olga of Kiev.

A woman remembered in history for vengeance, fury, strategy, and what many would call madness.

After her husband was murdered, she had his killers burned alive in a bathhouse.

Madness.

When I was younger, I remember wondering:

how could my parents give me that name?

But with time, I became less interested in the historical figure, and more interested in the idea of meeting the madwoman inside me.

Not the violent woman of course - the untamed woman.

The one whose eyes twinkle when she is angry.

The one who does not follow rules blindly.

The one who quietly knows when something is no longer right.

She is the voice that whispers:

Move countries.

Leave the marriage.

Start again.

Take the risk.

Book the ticket.

Do it differently.

And almost every time she appears, the world responds the same way:

“That’s madness.”

“What if you fail?”

“What will people think?”

“You’re ruining your life.”

(And, to be fair, taking a night bus from Pune to Goa probably was madness.)

But still.

Many women spend their lives trying not to meet this part of themselves.

Because she is inconvenient.

Disruptive.

Difficult to control.

Women who refuse self-abandonment are often called difficult.

People will mock her.

Dismiss her.

Call her irrational.

Too much.

A witch.

But I’ve noticed something curious:

the madwoman usually notices the truth first.

Usually long before the rest of you is ready to hear it.

And the longer you ignore her,

the louder she becomes.

So the question is not:

“Am I being unreasonable?”

But:

Am I ready to meet the woman in me

who refuses to abandon herself anymore?

I still need to get to know my madwoman better, but I know one thing -

You might actually enjoy doing something a little “mad” with your life. Try it.